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Astrology is an ancient and accurate method of personality typing that can be of great value to you. It can provide you with greater insight into yourself, as well as others. Astrology studies the movements and relative positions of celestial bodies interpreted as having an influence on human affairs and the natural world. This type of insight and understanding is particularly useful in relationships.

Today's Moon/Mars opposition makes the approach of the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn to be more assertive when dealing with challenging interactions of Pluto and Neptune. This all means to hold your peace as anything can happen - and will - when the Moon conjuncts serendipitously tonight and puts Uranus in danger.


AQUARIUS   January 20 - February 18

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everybody thinks you are stupid.


PISCES   February 19 - March 20

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA and FBI. You have much influence over your associates and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people like to screw small animals.


ARIES   March 21 - April 29

You are the pioneer type and hold people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick!!!


TAURUS   April 30 - May 20

You are practical and persistent. You have a good determination and work like hell. However, most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a fricken communist.


GEMINI   May 21 - June 20

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on insects.


CANCER   June 21 - July 22

You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you will always be on welfare and never be worth a shit.


LEO   July 23 - August 22

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards.


VIRGO   August 23 - September 22

You are the logical type and hate disorder. This is nit-picking and is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep when making love. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.


LIBRA   September 23 - October 22

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are most likely a queer. Chances for employment for monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women make terrific whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.


SCORPIO   October 23 - November 21

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.


SAGITARIUS   November 22 - December 21

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope addicts. People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting fucked up.


CAPRICORN   December 22 - January 19

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There never has been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns must avoid standing still for a long period of time as they tend to attract large groups of pigeons who invariably shit on them.


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